Hi there friend! Did you know your insecurities are justified and rational because they’re based on very real facts?
You rate your personality based on observations right? You do dumb shit sometimes, and that scares you. Hence the feeling that you might be the dumbest in your group. Your fears are not bigger in your head, they’re the appropriate size because they’re based on very real facts.
But you don’t really care that much do you?
Well, I’m with ya buddy! There’s a lot of comfort in knowing we’re all equally scared about our future, we’re all scared we might not find out what our dreams are or worse miss out on them. But the thing is, most of us are not sitting in our corners crying our insecure little eyes out. We’re very aware of our faults but we’re comfortable with them because we know everybody else is aware of their own too. You’re a rational person, if you’re not satisfied with your performance in life you just fix it and make yourself proud. And if you’re content well then congratulations, you’re happy!
I live under a glass dome I’ve created where everybody’s happy-go-lucky, where we all laugh at ourselves and bond over our mutual self-awareness and think life is pretty silly. Under it we all believe everything is as big of a deal as you make it out to be. So we go with the flow and only when we stop liking the flow or when we think we’re becoming too comfortably satisfied with it that we take action and fix things. My life philosophy goes like this: ‘Meh.’
But like everything else in this precious little life of ours, it’s not that easy living the meh lifestyle. Or more specifically, it’s not always easy to remember it and that’s because we don’t always play with like-minded people.
I dare you to remember you’re happy with yourself when you’re drowning in self-awareness and there’s a person standing in front of you who believes they’re god’s gift to the world. I dare you not to be convinced you’re inferior when you’re reminded that some person sincerely thinks they are better than you, and they might just be right. Their assumptions regarding themselves were based on observations just like yours. Their egos were probably validated on numerous occasions rendering them pretty freakin huge. Hell if they couldn’t even find their own weaknesses what chance do I have in finding them? How could their happy patronizing confidence not kill me?
Notice the crack in my pretty glass dome? Cue the downward spiral.
You start thinking you’ve been underestimating yourself all these years. You start the process you call in your silly little head: “bettering yourself” But it’s not the kind that helps you learn and grow, it’s the kind that makes you feel more and more emotionally hollow because you’re trying to achieve something and it’s someone else’s idea of what a something should be. You start killing yourself just to prove your worth and win some imaginary ego contest you created in your head.
And all those awesome qualities that came from your self-awareness like empathy and kindness drive off into the sunset together. Suddenly you’re judging people and being a condescending hypocrite. ‘Look you guys if I just put in a little more effort I can be so much better than you I just haven’t been showing you what I’m capable of!’ Your self-worth becomes completely tied to how you want to be perceived. You forget all about how an hour ago you were content. You forget all about those articles you read on how everybody’s idea of happiness is different. You start finding comfort in comparing yourself to the people you assume are worse than you. Like those idiots who post selfies of themselves all day.
And this is all because some random person put their best foot forward and nonchalantly changed your entire perspective. You were unwittingly convinced you needed to prove your worth and you have no idea how to do it because you’ll find nothing at the tip of your tongue. You forgot what you liked about yourself because you’re not used to talking about it. Just like you never dwelled on the bad, you never dwelled on the good either.
It’s easier to reduce the amount of fucks you give on paper. Having internal peace is easier when you think we’re all equal but the aftermath of putting yourself in front of a person with ego stamped across their forehead is grueling.
No point in getting frustrated though, let those kids have their moments, let them enjoy their awesomeness; let them be what they are. Try to view their skills as learning opportunities, that’s what I do. Surround yourself with people able to laugh at their own stupidity and you’re set.
Remember the saying that’s old as time: ‘Meh’.